Something I Need
by youdontevenknowyo
Summary: Loosely based on Something I Need by OneRepublic. Josie and Lady Inquisitor Lavellan. This talks about being drunk so that's why it's T. Better safe than sorry, right?
1. Chapter 1

The gentle pull of fingers through her hair woke Josie but not enough though for the time to register. A content hum sounded from the back of her throat and her arm snaked across Eleri to squeeze her...hips? That shouldn't be right. Josie opened her eyes, blinking the sleep away, and realized she was cuddling the elf's middle. Eleri was sat up in bed with one arm around Josie's shoulder, the other resting so she could run her fingers through long brown hair. Her hip, a pillow for Josie's head. The Antivan craned her head back to look at Eleri and found green eyes waiting.

"What time is it?" Josie asked, voice thick with sleep.

"Late."

Josie started to sit up, propping herself on an elbow to better look at Eleri. "What's wrong, _amor_? You shouldn't be up."

"Nothing." A soft smile played on light pink lips as Eleri placed her hand on Josie's cheek. "Go back to sleep."

Sleep was slowly leaving Josie and she became more aware of the probable time and, more importantly, that something was _definitely_ wrong with her elf. Knowing Eleri would only deflect any real concern, Josie decided humor might soften her.

"It must be something. I usually can't get you to stay awake the night before a free day!" She followed her dig with a poke to Eleri's nose. Eleri scrunched it as she bobbed her head back to avoid the finger after its initial contact, poorly feigning annoyance as she always did with her smile showing through.

"Really, Jo. I'll be fine."

"I know you will be but that does not sound like you are _now_."

Eleri huffed and let her head fall against the wall with a thud. Her eyes, as far as Josie could tell in the dark, stared up at the ceiling. Instead of pushing her, Josie took the hand that rested on Eleri's leg and began running her thumb across Eleri's palm. Something the elf admitted was one of her favorites. Eventually, Eleri's eyes slid down to look at Josie. She tilted her head to better make eye contact before she started speaking.

"I had a bad dream. That's all. It's silly. You should go back to sleep."

"Or, I could stay awake with you until you feel comfortable enough to sleep yourself." Eleri shook her head but remained quiet. "What was it about, your dream?"

"Everything."

"What do you mean?" She had an idea of what was meant but needed Eleri to clarify. She didn't want to assume anything. Eleri liked to think she kept her thoughts and feelings under lock and key but she wasn't so successful. Josie didn't want to be the one to shatter the illusion for her.

"The Inquisition, Corypheus, demons, those stupid Templars. Always a _lot_ of Templars." A heavy sigh escaped Eleri. "It doesn't matter, just a dream."

Josie didn't believe her for a second. She was merely having trouble articulating what she wanted. It was a classic defense mechanism that Eleri used. A downplay of the emotions she couldn't fully explain.

"What happens to the Inquisition in your dream?"

"It fails." Josie almost rolled her eyes at the predictability of Eleri's dream.

"Why?"

A long pause and drifting of green eyes from brown. Josie reached up to mirror Eleri's actions from before. She put her hand to the elf's cheek and guided her eyes back. Her voice when Eleri answered all but broke Josie's heart. It was barely above a whisper, and so scared and guilty. As if just dreaming it meant that the events were set in stone.

"Because I failed."

Josie brought her other hand up to cup both cheeks. She leaned in to give a gentle kiss that neither one of them pulled away from. Eleri's hand, the one that had moved to Josie's hip as the Antivan moved closer, tightened and at that Josie pulled back slightly.

"What do you usually do after you have a bad dream?"

There was no possibility that the dream was a one-time thing. Their cause was too big, too important and all its weight rested solely on a young Dalish elf who didn't quite grasp the world she was trying to save. Impossible that her dream was only just starting.

A small laugh left Eleri. Josie felt it more than heard it, mostly just a release of air than an actual laugh. "I, uh…I watch you sleep until my mind quiets." A short pause then a rushed, "You calm me down."

Josie giggled but otherwise let Eleri go unteased. It was sweet.

"Then let us lay down and try to sleep."

Eleri nodded and slid down the bed gracefully, quickly getting comfortable. She pulled Josie down half on top of her. At the sudden tug, Josie let out an undignified squeak of surprise. Eleri laughed and Josie glared, until a peck to her lips soothed her injured ego.

"It will all be well, _mi amor_. I cannot promise it but I do believe it. I believe in you and everyone who supports you. Thedas does not rest in your hands alone. We have carefully built this army around you, to compliment you to the very best of all of our abilities. You must have faith in that." Josie comforted from her spot cuddled into Eleri's side. She felt a nod against the top of her head and at that, let the conversation die. Words didn't sooth all hurts. Sometimes a physical touch was more desperately needed.


	2. Chapter 2

The door slammed with finality, muffling the argument on the other side. It had been the week from hell. A constant week of council meetings. A constant week of damage control for a failed mission in Crestwood. Each one filled with heated voices, scowls, and exasperated noises. Some disgusted ones as well but those belonged solely to Cassandra. Not to mention the letter from her clan asking for help that the Inquisition just could not respond to, the outraged visitors that were unhappy with Skyhold's condition and the lack of time Eleri was able to devote to them, the accidents a few of the workers had while trying to repair their new home, the disappearance of the Grey Wardens despite Blackwall's and Leliana's insistence that the order would have a perfectly good excuse, and, to top it all off, the arrival of off and on pain that randomly laced up Eleri's arm in growing intensity. There was too much all at once and the current meeting the advisors and their Inquisitor were having was at a standstill and that just became too much all on its own. She needed out. Eleri stormed down the hall, picking up speed as she passed through Josie's office door into Skyhold's main hall and the various couriers that called out at the sight of her. She abruptly stopped and went back the way she came.

The door to Josie's office slammed, allowing Eleri a second to breath. But not long, she hurriedly pushed off the door and stomped down the stairs that led toward the many neglected, desolate rooms of Skyhold's underbelly. She stopped briefly in the kitchens to swipe a heel of bread before journeying farther where no one would find her.

Truthfully, _some_ one would find her but hopefully Eleri could linger under Skyhold long enough that the search for her would be given up.

The rooms or corridors other than the kitchen had not been touched by the Inquisition's workers. It was dusty, cobwebbed, and decaying. Some stones were tumbling in waves to the floor, beams sat slanted from the ceiling, trying and failing to climb back to their positions from centuries ago.

Solas had explained that Skyhold had not been inhabited since mid-Storm Age. He had explained the basic history to the whole of the Inquisition advisors and companions but had saved the elven history for Eleri alone. A history she politely sat through if only for the sake of not offending him. Skyhold sat on some ancient elven ground where much magic had been created and that now protected the fortress from evil. It was comforting but Eleri doubted that after so much time any lingering magic remained.

The dungeons opened into brisk mountain air. A few of the cells had been built into the outermost section of the mountains so when they crumbled away from age, they left a gaping hole into Skyhold. Eleri sat on some of the larger fallen pieces, looking out into pure blue. They were so high up that she couldn't see the ground thanks to the floor and the horizon was just smudges in the sky. It made her feel small, unimportant. As if every decision she made didn't damn the entire world.

She sat and munched the bread she swiped from the kitchen. A few birds flew by but she paid them no mind. She spent everything she had on the thoughts currently swirling up in her head. The most expensive was devoted to her clan. They needed help. They wouldn't have asked if they weren't desperate but the Inquisition was spread too thin as it was. Their trained soldiers were protecting villages from the Templar/mage conflict in the Hinterlands, the walking dead issue in Fallow Mire, and the darkspawn outbreak at the Storm Coast. The soldiers left were too inexperienced to even train with actually weapons. They would be worse than useless if sent. Josephine reached out to the nobles closest to the clan's last known location but many did not respond and the ones who did were unable to help. Something about the mage rebellion flaring in the Free Marches, who were still on edge from their last incident. When Eleri heard that she demanded to go herself. She was most capable of helping her own family and clan but that was quickly dismissed as impossible.

They had fought for days over the decision. Eleri viciously argued that she had every right to leave, that she would let each of them go if their homes were in danger. She even threatened to leave without their permission. A threat that gained her a guard outside her chamber door. Her advisors, Leliana unapologetically, Cassandra stoically, Cullen awkwardly, and Jose painfully, explained that Eleri was too important to risk. All of Thedas would fall if she fell. A point she countered with all the useless tasks she continually completed for random citizens while out on missions. But they came back again that it just couldn't happen. The Free Marches were in too much disorder to even condone missions in the area; not to mention, their government had enacted strict boarder control to protect themselves.

Eleri sighed heavily. She had seen their logic but she was stubborn and worried. She saw it even more clearly now that she had stepped away from the argument. The remaining heel of her bread soared into the mountain air as she chucked it out of the hole in the wall. A small amount of her anger flying out with it, only to be replaced with helplessness that led to a new anger. Eleri was one of the most powerful figures in Thedas, the Inquisition under her control. How could she be helpless?

But she was. And it frustrated her beyond reason. She kicked a loose stone as she stood and stalked to the door. The sun outside the dungeon's courtyard door was blinding. It wasn't completely dark below thanks to the holes but it was nothing like the direct rays of the unrestricted mountain sun. Eleri squinted with a hand raised to shade her eyes but she didn't stop moving. Stopping meant someone would come talk to her. She quickly made her way to the stairs across the courtyard, near the tavern, and took them two at a time. She went right, down the battlement, through Cullen's office, and all the way around to the farthest corner of Skyhold. A crumbling portion of the walk way separated her from the hold for at least a hundred feet after the length of walkable path from the corner she was in.

Eleri lifted herself to the raised half column on the wall. The wind blew fiercely at her clothes and hair but she needed to feel even more separated from Skyhold. She carefully sat on the column with her feet hanging over the expanse of empty air between her and the ground however many hundreds of feet below. Her stomach flipped each time she moved but Eleri closed her eyes, slowed her breathing.

And she stayed like that.

Until a voice broke the calm that had allowed her to clear her mind.

"I wish you would not sit there. We are awfully high up and I can see how the wind pulls at you from here. It makes me uncomfortable."

Eleri shifted in her seat and slipped off from her perch. She landed gracefully in a crouch to soften the blow to her knees. As soon as she straightened, she began to pace. The calm in her mind shattered; her thoughts crashing together.

Josie reached out to stop Eleri as the elf neared her but she veered out of reach. Eleri did her best to ignore the hurt that flashed in the brown eyes she loved.

"How am I so damn helpless?!" Eleri blurted. She wasn't sure how to start talking, like Josie likes, but the question covered everything wrong so she pushed forward. "I have all this power. The entire Inquisition is mine to direct how I see fit; I can literally manipulate the fade even though I have no idea how to actually control this stupid mark but I can't even get missions right or make sound decisions on my own or figure out what the hell the Wardens are doing or keep dumb visitors happy or even keep my people, the ones who aren't on the battlefield, safe! How is that possible? Why can't I make it safer for them in our own home?"

"Eleri, that is not-"

"And! And to top it all off, I can't even wear a glove on this stupid hand." She flailed her right hand up, the marked hand, with her back to Josie, she completes her line before turning on her heel to walk it again. "My sword keeps slipping and messing me up and I get bruises and cuts and…and it's stupid! All its damn power and it doesn't even work through a stupid layer of leather!"

Eleri stopped walking with a loud huff, on the verge of tears and her arm hurting. A flare hidden from Josie mid-pace as she ranted that seared up through the side of her neck, but neither of those can hold a flame next to the guilt for her clan. Her eyes focus on the stones under her feet as Josie walks up to her and arms slip around her neck; Eleri's hands rest on ruffle-covered hips before wrapping more firmly around her love's waist, eyes hidden on Josie's shoulder. Then Eleri thought better and shifted so her nose could press into Josie's neck. She inhaled the other woman's preferred perfume, a mix of honey and flowers that Eleri has smelled before but can't place, the smell of ink and parchment lingering to be very distinctly Josephine Montilyet. One of the many small comforts Eleri found in the months since their relationship started.

"Oh, my darling." Josie sighed. "I know these things are annoying but it is not what is really bothering you. Am I right?" Eleri shrugged in answer to the whispered question. "What is it?"

She knew and Eleri knew she knew but Josie always made Eleri say it out loud. She once explained that it helped them solve the problem together, that if Josie just assumed then she could be wrong and make it worse, and saying it made Eleri accept that was what really bothered her. Or something like that. Eleri didn't understand why but Josie wanted her to talk and she could do that for her.

"I want to help my clan." It was muffled and Eleri felt her voice crack more than she heard it but Josie understood just fine. She didn't respond; instead, she drew circles on the back of Eleri's neck. The elf inhaled deeply. The mix of Josie's hand at her neck, the way she smelled, and the feeling of Eleri's own arms around her waist were working magic. And it was like Josie knew. She remained quiet for several more minutes, letting Eleri relax.

"I wish we could let you go, Eleri; really I do. The area is too dangerous right now." Eleri didn't answer, she didn't react. The words were meant to be comforting but they fell flat. No matter how hard Josie would try, nothing she could say would help. At least Eleri thought. "What if I talk with Leli? I'm sure she can spare a few of her agents to go help. It would not be much but maybe Cullen can send a few soldiers too." Josie pulled away, guiding Eleri's head back with her hand still on her neck so their eyes could meet. "How does that sound?"

Josie's hand moved from Eleri's neck to her cheek, wiping away the few tears that escaped. The elf just nodded before leaning back into Josie's embrace. The two stayed like that: Josie trailing her fingers along Eleri's neck while the elf clung to the only thing grounding her.

"It's been a rough week." Josie commented. Eleri gave a short, humorless laugh which caused Josie to chuckle. Eleri closed her eyes as the sound shook Josie's body, finding even more comfort.

"You could say that. Or you could say it is the week from the deepest, darkest pit of the deep roads with darkspawn, Orlesian politics, revenants, giant spiders, and those big stupid Red Templars with the big shields in it and its flooded with gross water and red lyrium."

"That was oddly specific, my love." Josie laughed again, pulling the corners of Eleri's mouth up. "Have you given this much thought?"

"Just all the things I hate all rolled into one."

"I hate to leave but if we want to dispatch a small party to your clan, we should get them assembled sooner rather than later. Come, I need to talk with Leli and Cullen and _you_ need to apologize to them, and Cassandra, for storming out."

Eleri groaned and squeezed Josie tighter, nuzzling her face further into the Antivan's neck. A muffled "no" given. Josie let out a sigh as she let her hands fall down to Eleri's side. Thankful that Eleri couldn't see the smirk on her face. The elf barely had time to register what was happening before Josie dug her fingers into her sides. Eleri yelped and jerked away, a frantic giggle erupting as she shielded her stomach.

"Jo _sie_! Don't!" Not listening, Josie took a step forward and darted her hands back in. Another yelp and another squirm followed. "Okay! Okay! I'll go apologize; just please _stop_."

"Of course, _mi amor_." Josie said sweetly, she reached for Eleri's had, ignoring the flinch and weary eyes, lacing their fingers together. Their walk back to the hold's war room was torture for the elf but so very entertaining for Josie. She had moved from holding hands to looping her arm through Eleri's, eliciting a flinch. Bringing her free hand to rest on Eleri's arm, another flinch. Josie laughed while Eleri grumbled with faintly red cheeks.

"I'm a trained killer."

"You are a gentle protector. Do not try to toughen yourself up just because you're ticklish." Josie scoffed. Eleri narrowed her eyes but a smile played at her lips and the façade of grumpy, tough warrior fell. She shook her head but used her free hand to guide Josie's back into her other one, lacing their fingers and squeezing.

"You're right, as always."

"Though I would not want to be caught on your bad side." Josie allowed, having seen Eleri's temper a few times.

They walked into the main hall, through Josie's office and into the war room. The other three advisors were bent over the map, pointing and discussing. They looked up as the door opened. Josie squeezed Eleri's hand then let go with a gentle push with her other hand at the small of Eleri's back.

"I, uh, wanted to apologize for leaving earlier. I should not take out my frustrations on you."

"It is fine, Inquisitor, but see that it does not happen again." Leliana replied before redirecting the conversation back to its previous topic.

"Leli, once we are finished here I would like to speak with you."

"Of course, Josie. I'll come find you once we organize deployment to Crestwood. It shouldn't be much longer." The spymaster didn't look up as she replied. Her focus was on the pieces she placed on the map that represented field posts. "We do not have need for either of you if you wish to attend to other responsibilities."

Without another word, Josie took Eleri's hand once more and dragged her out. Back through Josie's office, into the hall, then up the stairs to the Inquisitor quarters and straight to the couch in front of Eleri's fire place. Josie sat, pulling the elf down with her.

"Don't you have work to do?" Eleri asked, surprised that Josie was taking so much time away so early in the day. Usually she worked from first light until well after dark. Her breaks were at meals and, if Eleri was lucky, one afternoon walk or tea in the garden by the gazebo.

"It will still be there tomorrow." Eleri looked at her incredulously. Josie smiled as she continued, "You need me more today and don't give me the 'I'll be fine' speech. I know that but it doesn't mean I can't take care of you while you work toward being fine."

No words were needed and Josie didn't wait for them. Instead she pulled on Eleri's hand as she laid back on the couch. They got comfortable, Eleri' head on Josie's chest and hands resting on her sides. The thump of Josie's heart slowly lulling her to sleep as an Antivan accent soothed the aching thoughts that still raced through her mind. The ones she thought she hid but obviously not from the woman she loved.


	3. Chapter 3

A loud, stuttering knock jolted Josie from her work induced trance. She pressed a hand to her heart as she exhaled slowly, feeling the nerve pricks of being startled settling in her hands. She looked to the door as the knocks started again. This time she heard shouting on the other side.

"Jo! Josie, come on. You aren't in your office so you have to be in there."

"Boss, shhh! Come on, you're gonna wake her up. Let's just go and you can talk to her in the morning. No big deal."

An exasperated huff left her lips as the slurred voices of Eleri and Iron Bull registered. Josie pulled a robe over her shoulders as she walked toward the door. Another round of uncoordinated knocks shook the door.

"Joooooooo!" Josie paused as scuffling could be heard, she rested her hand on the handle, listening. "Bull, no! Stop it! I need to talk to her!"

"She's sleeping, boss. Just let her sleep."

"Quit!" Eleri squealed and Josie felt the door pull in its frame. Without giving the two mischief-makers on the other side any more opportunity to wake all of Skyhold, Josie opened the door.

The sight that met her was not exactly what she was expecting but unsurprising all the same. Bull was half turned toward the corridor, looking over his shoulder at Josie. His good eye was wide and apologetic, with the slight droop that accompanied intoxication. He had Eleri slung over his shoulder, her fingertips still clung limply to the door handle. She squirmed from his grasp by sliding her hips to the side. She fell to her feet but her alcohol infused movements were far from graceful, she pitched toward the wall once her feet hit the ground with one hand out to brace herself before she pushed off, crashing into Josie. Her steps caught on the flat surface adding to the momentum of their hug.

Josie let out a surprised grunt at the force of the elf almost tackling her and the squeeze Eleri gave her. "Eleri, you're hurting me," she strangled out.

"Oh! Sorry!" Eleri quickly let go but didn't step back, staying inches from Josie. This close the Antivan could see the red in the drooping green eyes, the flush that colored her cheeks and ears. Add in the goofy grin she was wearing and Josie couldn't help but return it. It was late and this was giving her a headache but Eleri seemed happy which was a relief even if it was drink induced. They had fallen on a rough patch recently. The young elf deserved to let off some steam and have fun for once.

"Sorry, Josie. I tried to stop her from waking you up." Bull gave a worried smile as he tugged one of his horns.

"I missed you." Eleri whined as she took Josie's hand in both of hers and started playing with her fingers. Josie gave her a smile before turning back to Bull.

"It is quite all right, Bull. I was already up. How much has she had to drink?"

"A _lot_. She's kind of a light weight too. I had to half carry her here or she would've killed herself on the stairs. Boss was determined, I'll give her that."

Josie sighed as she thought about the night ahead of her. So much for getting that work she had been putting off all day done. "Of course she is. I'll take it from here."

"Okay, sorry again." He waved and turned to go but stopped short. "Oh, and she was going on and on about needing to tell you something. It seemed important but in this state, everything is important."

Before Bull could explain further or Josie could ask, Eleri's face brightened. She tugged on Josie's hand as she spoke. "Oh yea! I do, Jo. I really need to tell you something. Can I tell you now?"

Bull laughed as he made his exit. Josie let another sigh loose, shaking her head with a small smile. A very long night was ahead of her. "Let us go inside first, _amor_. Then you can tell me anything you wish."

"But I already had to wait the whole way from the tavern!" Eleri pouted and Josie laughed. The expression was not one Eleri had ever used and as adorable as it was, it was also incredibly ridiculous. Her eyebrows scrunched up in the middle and her lips pursed together were quickly replaced by her eyebrows turning down and her eyes narrowing. "Don't laugh! It's important!"

"I'm sure it is but you already waited _so long_ , I'm sure you can wait just a few more moments until we are inside my room and away from all the prying ears and eyes of Leliana's agents. You don't want them to hear do you?"

Josie had hoped that the intimidation that Eleri felt from Leliana would be enough to get her to do what Josie wanted but unfortunately she was wrong.

"They can hear. I don't care if it gets back to Leliana. She doesn't scare me!" Josie started to pull on Eleri's hand, trying to guide her into the room but the elf stood fast. Her own grip tightened on Josie's hand. "I want Leliana to know then maybe she'll stop thinking I'm going to hurt you or something and leave me alone."

That stilled Josie's efforts in getting Eleri out of the hallway. She was not aware that Leliana was still trying to scare Eleri off. She thought their conversation after Leliana's initial talk with Eleri had ended that. The elf's words were still broken and slurred but conviction surged through them.

" _Ma vhenan_ , I know things have been bad and that they don't look good right now but don't be afraid because we still have us and I won't let anything happen. Not to Thedas or the Inquisition and especially not to you. We've got us and that's enough for me to go kill that ugly, stupid Corypheus."

She moved her hands from Josie's one to rest on her jaw, closing the distance to place a sweet, and a little sloppy, kiss on Josie's lips.

"We only get to die once and I wanna die with you, Jo. You think I need to have fun or talk about what's bothering me or all that other stuff you always try to get me to do but you've got the only thing I need. In this entire world of people there's only one I'm worried about and it's you." Eleri paused, leaning back as she tilted her head to think. "Well, I _am_ worried about all of Thedas but not in the same way I'm worried about you."

"I know what you meant, darling." Josie giggled. Despite it being a drunken confession, slightly confusing, and a rambled mess, it was still nice to hear Eleri say those things.

"I love you, Jo."

"And I love you." Josie gave Eleri a quick peck. "Can we go inside now or is there something else you wish for Leliana to know?"

"No. That's all." The goofy grin was back as Josie led the way into her room. She grabbed the candle flickering on her desk on the way toward her bed. She set it on the side table then turned back to Eleri who had happily followed along in her drunken state.

"Will you sleep down here tonight?" Josie asked, already knowing the answer. Eleri's smile grew as she nodded. "Splendid. I'll blow out the rest of these candles while you get into bed."

Eleri nodded again but when Josie walked by to make her way to the candles, her long arms stopped her as they wrapped around her waist. A soft kiss was placed on Josie's cheek then she was released and Eleri was beginning to unlace her tunic enough to tug it over her head.

With the candles out, Josie sat on the edge of her bed to slip out of her robe and blow out the last candle on her side table. The body she snuggled into in the dark was warmer than usual, another side effect of the alcohol but familiar just the same. She pressed a kiss to Eleri's neck as she got comfortable. Maybe it wouldn't be the long, headache-inducing night she thought it would be.

"Are you feeling alright?" Eleri hummed her affirmative. "Just wake me up if you feel ill."

The next morning, Josie woke up on her side with her arms around Eleri. The elf was facing her on her own side with her head was buried in Josie chest and her hands twisted in Josie's slip. The sun was up but Josie, facing away from her window and the dial Cullen had gifted her, had no idea what time it actually was. At her slight movements, soft groan sounded from Eleri.

"Good morning, _amor_." Eleri's only response was to shift closer to Josie who pressed a kiss to the top of her head and ran a hand up and down her back. A muffled sentence fought its way to Josie's ears but not enough to be heard. "What?"

Eleri turned her face toward Josie's, eyes shut tight. "We only live once and I wanna live with you. Not die. That was morbid."

Josie giggled, pressing a kiss to the newly exposed forehead. "I knew what you meant, _amor_."


End file.
